Leaky Roof

Knawing at my empty stomach

Can’t sleep

Like an animal trying to swim through oil
I struggle to move past these emotions

But this ache comes with those dead-end
Want to end
Fantasies
That haven’t ended

The slow sticky oil surrounds my soul as it takes its toll

Like rain dripping in from a leaking roof
Filling a bucket
You leak into me
Filling my head and drenching my heart

When I close my eyes I feel your breath
I feel your hand behind my head
Your other hand on my chest
My heart beats faster now
So I open my eyes to realize

Reality

STOP!

The bucket spills and makes a mess
As all these emotions pour out as I shout
I punch nothing wanting to feel nothing

About you

Empty out of me or come back to me
Just please don’t leave and I’ll let go

(I know)

It doesn’t work that way

Untitled

I am a girl.

I am weak.

I am attached.

I try to act tough.

They see rigth through me.

(1/22/00)

Alone

Dead shadows on the wall;

Silence that reminds you of how lonely you really are.

Some Kind of Disorder

Good day, bad day

Good moment, bad moment (want some Prozac?)

I love you yesterday
I love you in the meantime

I don't know

Nothing is consistent
Everything is scattered

Today I don't feel
Today I feel too much

I'm sinking

I'm mean and cold
Get off me, don't touch me
I'm dry

I'm not mad at you
I'm just messed up and no one sees it
because I'm so together, you know, on the outside and all

"Have you lost your charisma and charm?"
"Oh, there it is, you're back to normal."

Normal! Ha!

Not tonight.

No Motivation

No motivation
Empty and lonely
Crushed spirit
Hard
Watery eyes
Despair
I just want to sleep
Goodnight

Can You Feel My Broken Heart?

Can you feel my broken heart?
Broken
Unspoken...was
My big secret
Do you have something to say as well?
They all did
They just wanted to get rid...of
My big secret
Can you imagine the pain?
Tears
Fears...about
My big secret
I don’t care what you feel, or have to say, or can imagine
I’m angry and torn apart
I was from the start...over
My big secret
That is no longer a secret I’m going to keep

Sandy Charles

they didn't tell me
they didn't even acknowledge me
they didn't care
or share
but they should have
they should have told me about the risks
they should have told me about the pain
they only said what i would gain
i don't know
i don't remember
but i called to find out
on this cold day in december
they took away what was mine
and said everything would be fine
but it's not
and now i will know
what they never told me

Missing Her

What's it like?

What's it like to be held by her?
What's it like to cry on her shoulder?
What's it like to come home to someone who wants to hear about your day?
What's it like to talk to her about boys?
What's it like to ask her for advice?
What's it feel like when she hugs you?
What's it like to need her?
What's it like to be loved by her?

What's it like?

I never had her, but I miss her so much.

The Tortured Soul

Tortured soul full of disgrace
That can’t replace

or erase
The sin that lies within
A divorce it is that reeks with pain and guilt and shame
That hides behind the game
You used to hug me so tight
It’s as if you thought you could squeeze the hurt and destruction out
Now all you want to do is shout
I felt as though my caked on face was getting harder to remove
So sad and tired and limp
I was afraid it was becoming my own
My body on loan
Now I must live with the consequences of my selfish actions
Taking in
Deserving your reactions
Sorry’s are pathetic and explanations are a slap in the face
So I sit with my tortured soul
Full of disgrace

Untitled

Poor, poor Sarah Mae. Don't cry. It's okay. Stop feeling this way, you can stop. Don't be silly,you're a great person. I'm not laughing. Don't let it get to you. I know you understand. I love you Sarah Mae. Your special, you're wonderful. Don't cry. I hate seeing you hurt. I can't wait to be with you; I love being with you. Stop it! Stop this craziness! You're being ridiculous Sarah Mae. Why do you think such things Sarah Mae? There isn't a nothing wrong with you. Don't cry. You're fine. Everything is fine. I hate to know that you're sad. Stop those tears. Just understand. I think you're normal, nothings wrong with you Sarah Mae.

Hold me please. Please. I can't stop crying, please come and hold me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

(1/22/00)